My hot mess.

I am a mess. I'm ok with it, honestly. I have come to realize in the past few years that not only am I a mess, but I am not unique in my mess. The main difference between me and most other people I know is that I can see (most of) my mess and fully embrace it. Most people do not and I totally get it. It is so much easier to live in blissful oblivion. It is so much easier to think that everything is great and that "I don't do any of the major sins so everything's cool, right?" Well maybe it is and maybe it isn't. But that isn't exactly the point. The point is, we all struggle, we all fail. The sooner we reach a place where we accept that we are flawed and constantly on a journey to something better for ourselves, the sooner we will experience the fullness of relationship with each other and with God.

As I've shared my failures and struggles with people over the past few years, I have been amazed by the amount of times I've heard comments like "wow, you're so self-aware" or "You're so at peace with who you are." Well...yeah. I guess so. I don't think it has to do with being enlightened or even lacking self-consciousness. (I'm a woman. I'm self-conscious about some things. It's what we do.) It's just that life is too short to not embrace who I am. I am not a million things that I want to be. But I am also so much that I didn't know I was. Every day, when I'm challenged by something, I get to find out about something else I can do or that I might just be good at, mostly because I'm not scared anymore about what I'll find. I'll either be good at it or I won't. I guess that's it - I'm not so self-evolved that I love everything about myself. I'm just not scared of me anymore. I'm a mess and I know it.

I have so many issues and I could list them here and feel fine about it - not because I'm proud of them, but because I know who I am and whose I am. I am a child of the King and I am redeemed. And while I do not do it on purpose, the more of a mess I am, the more Jesus gets to save me. He's amazing at it and it seems that no matter how hard I try, I'm constantly in need of saving. And He is such a good saviour!

Most of us like to pretend that we aren't a mess. It's just not true. And so many of us use our issues as an excuse not to pursue the opportunities that lie before us. Anyone ever heard the "I really need to work some issues out before I can really be in a relationship" excuse? My response: "While I'm sure that you have issues, I'm also sure that I do too. Want someone to walk beside you in your mess? I'll be there. You hold my hand and I'll hold yours - we can walk together." Anyone ever heard the "As soon as I get my mess together, I'll [insert dream or passion here]" from someone? Ever used it yourself? My response: "If you're waiting until you've gotten everything figured out and everything 'fixed' you will wait forever. It's not because you are a bad person. It's just that you aren't Jesus. You are not, nor will you ever be, perfect. Don't wait. Just do it." These responses don't make sense to some people and do not make me popular in some circles. But they are the truth, as far as I can tell.

And what about community? Aren't we supposed to share our mess with each other and help each other walk through the pain and immaturity and fear and joy and struggle together? Isn't that why we were created? I don't care about so-and-so's cute shoes or even the global recession. I want to talk about YOU. You are important to me. The things that are going on in your life matter to me and when you share your mess with me, I'm not burdened. I'm honored that you picked me to tell. I'm so glad that I'm not the only one with a mess! I'm so glad that I know that you have struggled through that thing I'm going to deal with in 4 years and don't even know about yet - I'll be back to talk to you about it then. I'm so glad that all of the crap I've been through over the past two years can encourage you to grab hold of what is beautiful in your life right now, because I learned that painful two-year lesson already. This is not where judgment lives. This is not where condemnation lives. This, dear friends, is community. This, dear friends, is what we were made for. This, dear friends, is the Body of Christ, the fellowship of believers. This is good.

The truth is that life is messy. Our expectation of ourselves and others should be that we are all a mess and that the only thing that is lovely or wonderful within us is Christ. I'm a hot mess. A hot, stinkin', flamin' pile of mess. And He loves me. And so do I.